By Randy Kaufman
with research assistance from Dustin Lowman
More is not always more.
But enough is always enough.
I can’t get no satisfaction
I can’t get no satisfaction
‘Cause I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I can’t get no…I can’t get no…
- The Rolling Stones, “Satisfaction”
As a young corporate tax lawyer, I never gave a moment’s thought to portfolios — mine or anyone else’s. October 1987, found me with my head buried in the Tax Code, vaguely aware of market turbulence, blissfully unaware of the consequences. When I moved into wealth management in the early 2000s, I assumed (one of my least favorite words) that my goal was clear: Earn the best possible risk-adjusted returns for our clients.
In other words, that more was always more.
It being the days of the unburst internet bubble, I was surrounded by unfathomable wealth. Ordinary worker bees and company founders buzzed into the brass doors of Bank Boston, their eyes glistening with joy and fear, their portfolios worth tens of millions of dollars. In those heady days, IPOs generated this wealth. Eyeballs counted as revenue, hopes and promises as guarantees. One 32-year-old client had amassed $1 billion; another had made $312 million working part-time (20 years later, I still believe the latter was the best-paying part-time job ever).
Worshiping the God of More, my clients chased higher salaries, bigger bonuses, and of course, more stuff. Cars, yachts, planes, houses, diamonds, furs, art…and in my case, jewelry and shoes. Plus, jewelry and shoes. Did I mention jewelry and shoes? Yes, I was as susceptible as anyone, hopping on the More bandwagon, believing it was bound for the promised land.
But it wasn’t. No matter the siren song of the American dream, the promises of consumerist messages, the desire to compare ourselves to our peers, wanting More only promised more wanting More. “More” is inexhaustible; by definition, More is a means, not an end, and those of us who considered More an end were destined to perpetual dissatisfaction.
Much more resilient than More is its cousin: Enough.
When “More” ceases to be more
Up to a point, money absolutely buys happiness — or, as a friend once put it, money “buys off unhappiness.”
Research conducted by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman released in 2010 famously put the price of happiness at $70,000 a year (for individuals). Eight years later, a new study complicated these findings, concluding that people making $95,000 a year evaluated their lives most positively. Further data, published in the Harvard Business Review, indicated that money can mitigate the “day-to-day hassles” that cause stress.
We live in a capitalist world. We all need money, and the more of it we have, the more we can use to make our lives run smoothly. The trouble isn’t thinking that there’s a link between money and happiness — there is. The trouble comes when we assume that because there’s a link, money and happiness are synonyms.
There’s theoretically no limit on how much money you can have. If you believe that money = happiness, that means there’s theoretically no limit on how happy you can be. The purpose of life, then, is to be as happy as possible by making as much money as possible.
Here, we run into some critical fallacies.
The “arrival fallacy.” Positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar first introduced the concept of the “arrival fallacy”: setting a goal (e.g.: having a certain amount in your bank account, getting your dream job, buying a big home) and assuming its completion will make you happy. Achievements — completing goals, buying things — produce short-term ego gratification, but not long-term happiness. When we “arrive,” and we contemplate the sacrifices it took to achieve what we achieved, we often feel alone, regretful, and frightened.
Blaming the object. Because the happiness we get from new purchases is fleeting, we tend to blame the object for being an insufficient source of happiness. Should have gotten a Porsche, dammit, not a Mercedes. The fallacy is blaming the object — not questioning whether an object can bring permanent happiness (it cannot).
Can’t get no satisfaction. In a recent article for The Atlantic, Professor of Management Practice at Harvard Business School Arthur C. Brooks muses that satisfaction is the greatest paradox of human life: “We crave it, we believe we can get it…and then it vanishes. But we never give up on our quest to get and hold on to it. ‘I try and I try and I try and I try,’ [Mick] Jagger sings. How? Through sex and consumerism…building a life that is ever more baroque, expensive, and laden with crap.”
Money can and should be used as a source of comfort, safety, and stress-reduction. But money is not equivalent to happiness, and thinking it is leads one down the dangerous path of “More.”
What, then, is the answer?
The answer is to get Enough.
How to know when Enough is enough
1. ANSWER THE QUESTION: “WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY?”
The first step in understanding what “Enough” means to you is putting your goals into words. Nothing smacks of “More” more than having no idea what you’re aiming for, and defaulting to making as much money as possible.
When I ask clients what will make them happy, I get an array of results. Sometimes, the client says, “I want to get market-beating returns.” Or, “I want to have a nicer house than my colleague.” Or, “I won’t be happy until I have $10 million.”
At this stage, there are no wrong answers. You have to start somewhere. Whatever your honest appraisal of your personal happiness, say it aloud.
2. ANSWER MY FAVORITE QUESTION: “WHY?”
However you answered #1, why is that what you want? Why do you associate that objective with
happiness? Is this related to having More, or is it related to having Enough?
For some, the reason may be clear. If your answer to the first question was something like, “I want to save enough money so that my children don’t have to worry about affording college,” the “Why” behind that answer is ensuring your children’s long-term well-being.
For others, the reason may not be so obvious. If you said, “I want to get market-beating returns,” why? On average, market-pacing returns double your money every 7-10 years (there are no guarantees in investing, but that has proven true throughout the history of the markets). Why does beating an arbitrary index matter one iota for your long-term goals, and happiness?
A couple general rules:
If you’re comparing yourself to others on a material level, you’re probably going for More. But if you’re merely quantifying your and your family’s objectives, you’re probably going for Enough.
If your answer is related to things, it’s probably rooted in More. On the other hand, if your answer is related to experiences, it’s probably rooted in Enough.
If your answer has to do with self-image, it’s likely motivated by More. If it has to do with love of others, it’s likely motivated by Enough.
In general, asking “Why” five times should get you to the core of your motivation.
3. Run it by people you trust
However the first two steps went, run the results by someone who is unconditionally invested in your happiness. This could be a spouse, a friend, a therapist, or even a financial advisor (our fee structures are set up to ensure total alignment of goals). Whoever it is should know you well, and should not be afraid of holding you accountable.
I used to have a number. I won’t share it here, but suffice to say, my working definition of happiness was wrapped up in that number. I eventually realized that I might die before I reach it, having done none of what I wanted to do in life. It was time to change my mindset.
As one of my favorite authors, Ryan Holiday, put it: “When Seneca said that poverty wasn’t having too little, it was wanting more, he wasn’t talking about poor people. He was talking about rich people. Which brings me to something I have begun to understand: Wealth is not having to think a lot about money very often. Sadly, this means a lot of rich people choose to live very poorly.”
The goal is to understand your motivations by bringing them from your subconscious mind into your conscious mind. The deeper you reflect and the more honestly you verbalize your goals, the closer you’ll be to a lifestyle driven by Enough.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Randy Kaufman, formerly a corporate tax attorney and investment banker, is now a wealth advisor who prides herself on focusing on what matters most: clients’ peace of mind, family dynamics, and getting enough, not more. Randy is a passionate student of impact investing, strategic philanthropy, and behavioral psychology (while not a psychologist, she occasionally plays one in the boardroom). She is dedicated to helping the underprivileged, and is a proud member of global venture fund Acumen's advisory board. A thinker, learner, and pursuer of overarching truths, she is always eager to discuss big ideas about money, and its off-and-on associate, happiness.